Someone coined the phrase “God is my girlfriend songs” to describe contemporary lyrics that express love to God with words that are romantic in nature. They include phrases like “embrace me,” “let me feel your touch,” etc. While this isn’t the first time in history congregational songs have been labeled as sensual (John Wesley had some problems with Charles Wesley’s lyrics at times), it’s an issue that still needs clarification.

Why does someone write songs that can be sung either to God or a human lover? The reasons vary. Perhaps the writer is simply a poor lyricist and doesn’t know any better. It might be an attempt to stretch the boundaries of poetic lyricism. It could also be an attempt to write “cross-over” songs that are applicable in Christian or secular contexts. The problem is that our relationship with God is a bit different (can you say infinitely?) from our relationships with each other. Another group bases their use of romantic imagery on the Song of Solomon - “Let me know the kisses of your mouth, let me feel your embrace.” However, there’s no indication outside of the Song of Songs that God intends us individually to sing words like these to our God and Savior. (For a more literal interpretation of the Song of Solomon as a celebration of marital romance, I encourage you to check out Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God, by C.J. Mahaney).

I was happy to find pick up the latest copy of Worship Leader magazine (Nov/Dec 2005) today and find Matt Redman addressing this very topic in his article entitled “Kiss Me?” He seeks to answer the question: “Is romantic imagery appropriate in congregational expressions of worship?”

As I expected, Matt’s thoughts are humble, clear, helpful, and most importantly, biblical. He shares an experience of listening to a CD of worship songs within earshot of a non-Christian. The potential for evangelism encouraged him until a song came on with a string of romantic-sounding lyrics. As he hit the pause button he realized, “I wasn’t ashamed of Jesus, but I wasn’t one hundred percent convinced of the way we sometimes draw near to Him.” Later on, he adds, “Sometimes within the walls of the church we fall into the habit of saying or doing things we would never do if we were really in touch with the world. And yet that is really only the secondary point. The primary one is whether or not we are writing and choosing songs that are a true echo of the pattern of Scripture.”

As with most things, discernment is wiser than simply banning the use of certain words such as “beautiful” or “embrace.” However, singing or writing words to God because they “express my feelings” turns out to be a misleading standard. God cares about the words we use when we approach Him, and our words must be a “true echo of the pattern of Scripture.” Do we relate to God for who He has revealed Himself to be, or in a way that our culture finds comfortable? Do our songs describe God as He is or seek to make him more like us?

We find the balance of transcendence and immanence in Is. 54:5: “For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.” This verse shows us that in our desire to celebrate how God has brought us near through the cross, we can never forget that He remains exalted above all creation. He is not our girlfriend; He is our God. Our songs should never be vague about the difference. As Matt reminds us, we need to be “constantly giving thought to the ways we address our amazing God.” For He truly is amazing.

For more on this topic, download the following free messages from the Sovereign Grace site:
Beholding the Glory of God’s Supremacy by Bruce Ware
Principles of Songwriting by Stuart Townend
Choosing Songs Wisely by Bob Kauflin

19 Comments »

1. Hey, Bob. Great comments here. Much needed and well-stated.

   Would you apply these same principles to the musical forms of sacred music as well?

   Comment by Scott Aniol — November 22, 2005 @ 6:51 pm

2. Bob,

   I just wrote about this at my blog… I heartily agree, and glad to see you address it…

   Also, great blog, I enjoyed your series for Crosswalk…

   Comment by Ray — November 22, 2005 @ 7:30 pm

3. Bob,

   You quoted Isaiah 54:5Isaiah 54:5
   [5]For your Maker is your husband,
   the LORD of hosts is his name;
   and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
   the God of the whole earth he is called.

   This text is from the ESV Bible. Visit www.esv.org to learn about the ESV.

   , and it sort of addresses my thoughts here. I mostly agree with you, and quite a bit of what’s played on “Christian radio” threatens my gag reflexes. Still, I wonder if we’re going too far in the opposite direction?

   “the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.”

   This seems to be the focus of certain songwriters these days (you and others within Sovereign Grace Ministries, Matt Redman, Chris Tomlin). Still, that’s only half the quoted verse.

   “For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name;”

   Perhaps this side is overdone these days. Perhaps it is done carelessly. But are “girlfriends” the only ones who earn such songs?

   I wonder if, instead of cheapening such delight by dragging it down to the level of casual romantic interests, we ought to seek a “higher” level of such expressions? Perhaps a “God is my husband” sort of lyric?

   If your wife wrote a song to you, how would it go? That’s what I’m trying to think through here…

   Comment by Travis Seitler — November 23, 2005 @ 12:35 pm

4. A few years ago, I wrote a paper on this topic for the regional meeting of the Midwest Evangelical Society. I have posted it on my blog for those who might like to see some more work on this. Thanks, Bob!
   http://alreadynotyet.blogware.com/blog/_archives/2005/11/29/1426974.html

   Comment by Tim Porter — November 29, 2005 @ 10:07 am

5. thank you for this post.. it was very encouraging. I seem to be constantly frustrated by music that is popular, but not Biblical in nature. But then I remember that out of the heart, the mouth speaks. If such songs are sung in our churches (generally speaking), I wonder about our relationship with God and our view of Him. Are we using God to fill emotional needs when we should be content with Him filling our most desperate spiritual need-the atonement for our sin?

   And for me, my course of action is to be more diligent to pursue the writing of Biblical songs that wholly glorify God, instead of simply feed the soul.

   Comment by Naomi — December 13, 2005 @ 4:28 pm

6. Bob,

   With a desire to have my iron sharpened, I’m wanting to get more of your perspective on this type of songwriting, since a large number of postmoderns seem drawn to it.

   Psalm 16:11Psalm 16:11
   [11]You make known to me the path of life;
   in your presence there is fullness of joy;
   at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

   This text is from the ESV Bible. Visit www.esv.org to learn about the ESV.

   states, “at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Last year, I heard a well-known and respected speaker discuss this Scripture in light of the many worldly pleasures our sinful flesh is drawn to (alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.). The impression I got from his message was that to know Jesus far exceeds any other pleasure we could experience in this world. This also seems consistent with what is written in Psalm 16:11Psalm 16:11
   [11]You make known to me the path of life;
   in your presence there is fullness of joy;
   at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

   This text is from the ESV Bible. Visit www.esv.org to learn about the ESV.

   , and it is a vital aspect of the believer’s life.

   In light of these conclusions, the comments you made in your post seem to indicate that expressing one’s feelings for the Lord is not a biblical form of worship. Could you clarify your position?

   Also, considering the vernacular Jesus engaged in when speaking to the common man of His day, how is it not a factor of the makeup of the local fellowship or community (and ultimately, the pastoral leadership) as to whether a song containing such lyrics is appropriate for that venue? (E.g., “Friend Forever” contains a lyric “more intimate than lovers” that you won’t catch me using on a Sunday morning in a Bible Belt congregation. However, a friend of mine observed that in a highly securlarized society like England, where the song originated and a small percentage of the population actually attend church, this type of lyric could be and has been effective in engaging that culture with the gospel message.)

   Comment by Curious — December 29, 2005 @ 2:26 pm

7. How can we express love to God otherwise?

   Comment by anno — January 28, 2007 @ 11:36 am

8. Enjoyed reading your article. Thank you for addressing this topic in current contemporary music. I have heard this teaching has been taught by a ministry on TV. It takes the Christian’s relationship with the Lord to an unbiblical level. Thank you for addressing it on your blog. Blessings

   Comment by Sherry — February 10, 2007 @ 6:34 pm

9. Hi,
   I sing and write love songs to the Lord all the time.
   Is it biblical?… Matthew 22:37Matthew 22:37
   [37]And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your
   God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all
   your mind. (ESV)

   This text is from the ESV Bible. Visit www.esv.org to learn about the ESV.

   (New King James Version)
   Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’
   Does anyone have an intimate relationship with Jesus?..has he ever revealed himself to you as your husband?..as your Father?..as your friend?…As your GOD?
   Saints of God, I pray that you have not missed out on the greatest gift ever..and that is being reconciled to God through the shed Blood of Jesus Christ..the lover of our souls.
   I’ve been through good times and bad times in my life..and Jesus has been my everything..yes that includes the healer of my emotions.
   Why is it not biblical for me to worship him in song for being all of those things?
   Is it wrong to say to Him…your warm embrace keeps me through my lonely nights.
   Is that wrong? just be careful that you don’t treat people who show their love for the Lord in passionate ways the way that Mary was treated for pouring her oil on His feet, along with her tears and wiping them with her hair.
   That’s what I do to Him with my words everytime I worship.
   and after all only God knows our hearts..and one thing that I do know is that He loves when I worship Him..in spirit and in truth.

   May we all come to realize that we are the Bride of Christ. Jesus Loves you!

   Comment by Yandea — May 8, 2007 @ 7:44 pm

10. This is an interesting point. I love Jars of Clay’s “I want to fall in love with you” and yet there are many people I have come in contact with who would feel awkward singing those lyrics. Are they free of societal influences in respect to love and affection? When writing a love song to an awesome God, one must be aware of what cultural influences are impacting the words. Many of the men I have worked, such as in construction, landscaping, and maintenance, would find it difficult to sing about “touching and feeling” God. However, pushing lyrics that signify battle and adventure would capture them. I believe many Christian songwriters should begin to write from a different point of view. While they may have a feeling of closeness in their relationship with Christ, others may not - but they will still need a way to praise him in song. Giving them songs that would tug at their heartstrings is what would allow them to fully praise God. However many of the simple lyrics we have cannot do this.

    Comment by Nathan Allcorn — November 14, 2007 @ 3:57 am

11. I think this blog brings up so many things that I have thought of or have been concerned about before. There is one song in particular that I do like, but I wonder sometimes if I am not singing to my boyfriend. “You are my obsession, I wait for you through the night. In the morning when I rise, I ache for you, You are my obsession…” Anyways, those are some of the lyrics and while in one sense someone could truly be singing them about their Lord Almighty I do wonder if we’re trying to make our Contemporary Christian songs, or even any Christian songs, in line with the world somewhat. I can only imagine how hard it is to right a song to show our expression to God of His worth, but at the same time can only see how it is only worthy when it is Biblical and we realize His differences from us. He is God, we are human. There is a difference.

    Great thoughts though. Thanks!

    Comment by Tara — December 6, 2007 @ 8:32 pm

12. I’m slightly torn on the subject. I desire an intimate relationship with God, but also see Him as the Almighty One. I am scared of Him, but I want Him to hold me when my world seems to be falling apart. I agree that singing to God words reminiscent of the Song of Solomon is inappropriate, and I think it’s creepy. I have no desire to make-out with God. I’m pretty sure that God created marital-affection to satisfy our physical need for “Eros” or erotic love. I don’t think that when Jesus is called the Bridegroom, that the honeymoon is what He’s thinking about. We are lovely to God when we obey Him, that’s how we show our love and devotion to Him. I do, however, think that the Holy Spirit being called our “comforter” and “counselor” speaks to the idea that we may know God on the level we desire to know our spouse . . . spiritually. I don’t think that it is God’s greatest desire to “love on us,” but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he can’t show plutonic affection toward us, does it? “Love the Lord your God with all your mind, heart, soul, and strength.” Nothing sexual or creepy about that, and that’s the way I think it was meant to be. Love Him fully, not foolishly.
    I think that The article, “Dating Jesus” from Christianity Today may be helpful or interesting to those wondering about this subject. http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/december/17.56.html

    Comment by Katie Snoddy — December 8, 2007 @ 4:41 pm

13. I believe the younger generation is being led by sensual lyricists into a time of worship. I can’t stop to think why?

    Why has worship turned into a time of intimacy with our Sovereign God? Has this redefined worship?

    Yes, we are called to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind but I strongly believe this is beyond our own feelings. I’m sorry to say but”that” intimacy will soon run dry if worship doesn’t turn away from ourselves.

    I have one simple statement, “God is not our boyfriend, he is our God, in this he deserves all the Praise”.

    Comment by Melyssa Vaswani — December 14, 2007 @ 3:16 pm

14. I believe that there is a certain limitation to how we can express our love for God, and it is also agreeable with Redman that we shouldn’t treat Him as we would with our relationships here on Earth. His love is uncontainable and immeasurable, contrary to how we view love with others presently, sometimes it containing catches and strings attached, which is actually opposite of how we are supposed to love: UNCONDITIONAL love. There needs to be a median of on one hand showing and displaying how we view God and His correlation to us, but also not treating Him as our ‘girfriend’, it’s all about being obedient to His Word and the Holy Spirit.

    Comment by Michael Otto — December 19, 2007 @ 1:14 pm

15. Hi Bob, excellent site.

    In case you are interested, I did my London School of Theology dissertation under the title ‘Jesus is my girlfriend?’ on this very subject. I got the title from a throwaway comment by doctrine planet-brain at LST Graham McFarlane, and I think it is his unique creation, so he should take any credit for that term!

    Anyway, top stuff, keep it up. I’ll be recommeding this site to lots of people!

    Comment by Sam Hargreaves — December 28, 2007 @ 1:37 pm

16. Thanks Sir
    Foe such a lovely website, what you are adressing is purely true i share the same sentiments, When you write a love song for God, U write it knowing that God is in For me three parts.
    He is God, Father and friend, so wen you write a love song it should be a love song.
    Circular Love songs focus on how the feel and not how deep they love someone, with God it should be I Worship because i love God and not like I worship because i feel like it.
    If its love let it be purely love and not feelings, because feelings can change

    WOW
    Thank You So much God Bless

    Comment by Kelvin Mutize, Zimbabwe — February 7, 2008 @ 9:12 am

17. This is a very interesting to me and I cannot help but to laugh to myself because my husband and I have been discussing this matter latly. I think that the words we put into our songs need to be as biblically and doctrinally sound as the words that go into the sermon/lesson. We would all find a pastor who claims to have had an intimate physical “moment” with God, such as kissing or touching, to be weird. Therefore I heartly agree that our Christian songs should be purposeful with their words and intended meaning, even if it does not draw in a crowd.

    Comment by Valerie Munoz — March 3, 2008 @ 12:09 am

18. well put. when starting out reading just the title, i wasnt sure if you would be able to present a case on this that actually convinced me, (because i agree) but you did. I especially appreciate that you used the example of hearing it from a non-christian perspective. it also hit me at the core that you talked about lyrics that say things that we dont do… that’s why i dont sing parts of songs sometimes, because i’ll probably never do some of those things! i think you hit on a great subject that needs to be addressed in every congregation and i agree. well done.
    -glenn

    Comment by glenn davis — May 1, 2008 @ 11:49 am

19. Bob,
    I agree with your post. I like reading the comments as well.
    “ Psalm 16:11Psalm 16:11
    [11]You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

    This text is from the ESV Bible. Visit www.esv.org to learn about the ESV.

    states, “at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Last year, I heard a well-known and respected speaker discuss this Scripture in light of the many worldly pleasures our sinful flesh is drawn to (alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.). The impression I got from his message was that to know Jesus far exceeds any other pleasure we could experience in this world.” - Curious
    I agree with Curious on this point and if I might add on to what he has to say…it really puts things into perspective. When we think of worldly pleasures (Sex, drugs, and rock and roll) we have something tangible to look at. When we hear that Jesus is more pleasurable than any one of those, we can’t imagine…seriously. I can not imagine something that is not tangible (in this sense). So it brings up the question…does our worldly definition of love even come close to God’s definition of love?

    Comment by Jordan Roberts — May 3, 2008 @ 8:15 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Leave a comment